If Bees Made Money They'd Buy Their Own Honey.
Things That Kinda Sorta Bug Me

Home Edition:

Like, am I the only one who can clean the bathtub?? I swear, if it weren’t for me, soap scum would pile up into a big, white, solid, rectangle of cake-e-ness that people would have to step up upon to take their showers. Meh, kinda sounds like fun. Scratch cleaning bathtub off my list.

Our fridge has little vents, towards the back, that can’t be blocked or else food freezes in the crisper. I train people, on a daily basis, about this refrigerator rule and the TRAGIC consequences should these tiny holes be compromised. Yet, you guessed it. Every. Damn. Day. And the half-empty beer cans in there? Seriously?? Half empty? Man up and drink the whole thing!

Who left the baked squash out??

Yeah, I know, right? This is my life…

When life gives you snow, make a snow angel.

I’ll just be here,… inside,…  watching you from the window!

I hear Wednesday~

The sound of wood chippers humming in the neighborhood.

The UPS truck. (are they all made without mufflers??)

Starlings making that chucking sound they make. They’rrre back!

The sound of everyone freaking out over the internet bleeding all over the place or something, something, something. I don’t know, I don’t get it.

Footsteps walking away. (that’s me)

Here’s some things that float around in my head

I like things that are different.  It makes me *crazy* when my neighbors copy things that I have done. Get an idea of your own!! ( also get off my lawn)

I hate getting old. Nothing on the outside matches anything on the inside. I will fight this with everything I have. Note to self: Must get more face lotion.

I crack myself up several times a day. If this is not normal, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.

Remember that one time I cleaned out my hairbrush and left the hair clump on my desk? Yeah, scared the hell outa me!!

Also, Hey, the golf course is open. Why do they yell “fore”, and not five??

I have Bud, in a can, in the refrigerator. Can you hear him screaming?

Okay, I’m done ( i may or may not have cracked myself up while writing one of these)

Today my laundry will smell like Spring & Renewal. I never knew you could smell renewal.

Man, I can’t wait!!

Rant!

It’s been just over 3 weeks since I “fell off the train”. (the stairs..I slipped and fell backwards off the stairs, okay?) Anyway, all the swelling has gone down and my elbow is almost as good as new. Just hurts when I move it a certain way..so I don’t move it that certain way!

When it happened, nobody associated with the train helped me. It was all super nice bystanders that came to my rescue. (Even though the conductor was standing right there.)

Once on the train, my friend finally made the conductor bring me ice. She had to ask him twice. When he realized that I was actually pretty hurt, he came and filled out an incident report. You could tell he was more interested in covering his ass than he was in my actual injury. He wrote down that I lost my balance, when in reality,  I slipped and THEN I lost my balance. Anyways, he told me he would meet me in the station, when we arrived at our destination, and we would go over questions. He never came in. He also told me that someone from Amtrak would be contacting me, to make sure that I was okay. I never got a call. They don’t care if i’m okay, apparently, and I’m betting that Mr. Conductor guy never turned in the incident report.

Way to make a girl feel special Amtrak!! You’re lucky I didn’t sue your ass. Oh and thanks for the ice bag that had a hole in it! It was icing on the cake.

Ice balls falling from the sky.  

Dan??

Good morning! (technically I have 5 more minutes) It took me exactly 35 minutes to make a cup of coffee today with the ailing Keurig. Yes, I stood there the whole time. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting..

I came to the conclusion, that if the coffee maker is spitting water back into the water reservoir, it’s not a good sign. And then I looked down and water was leaking out of the bottom, all over the counter top.

RIP Keurig. I’ve had containers of travel toothpaste last longer than you!!

This has been a post. A sad, leaky, post.

I will not speak of the snow. You see what I did there?!

Some times I think about how heavy all the stuff we have accumulated over the years, must be for the house to hold. Like it’s going to break it’s back or something. *Currently getting rid of shit* Nobody wants to be buried in their own basement by an avalanche of things. (still not speaking of the snow)

No matter what I’m doing, I will bust my ass to get to a ringing telephone, before it stops ringing, like my life depends on whether or not it gets answered. 9 times out of 10 it’s that goddamn Rachel telling me it’s my last chance to lower my interest rates… I’d like to bury her in a pile of frozen ice crystals. (still not speaking of the snow)

And now I’ll leave you with a little song… There’s snow business like show business… (Hum me out! ..hmmm hmmm hmmm hmm hmmm hmm)

Dear Fabric Softener Companies, 

Get with the program. If the liquid fabric softener is Mountain Spring, then make the fabric dryer sheet MOUNTAIN SPRING! I don’t want my washed clothes to smell Mountain Springy and then my dried clothes to smell Clean Breeze-y!! That’s a conflict of smells. You’re confusing my senses.. and now I have a headache!! A Mountain Springy Clean Breezy headache!!

No, YOU’RE doing laundry!!!