If Bees Made Money They'd Buy Their Own Honey.

Is there anybody out there who hates trimming their toenails as much as I do? Look down to find your answer. No, seriously, trim your toenails!!

How is there enough time in the day? If you floss, brush, shower, moisturize, trim, (girls) put on makeup and fix that hair, (guys) form that hairdo or shave that dome (we’ll call it Dr. Phil-ing), find the perfect outfit (did you accessorize?), dab on some cologne, get yourself some breakfast and a cup of (yep, I’m gonna say it) Joe. Take your medicine. (everybody’s got medicine, right?) Don’t forget your vitamin. DON’T FORGET YOUR VITAMIN, there’s ebola out there, for godsake!!! And have you looked at your fingernails? Don’t look down! Nooooo! Just put on socks.

And this is why I shouldn’t get up too early in the morning. Hey look! Daylight.

I woke up at 4 a.m. I have never been up this early in my entire life. Well, there was that one time we went to the airport at 3, and that other time we drove to Detroit to see my boy play at a techno club at 4. So nevermind.

My other boy gets the keys to his house today. Can I get a what, what, yeah?! Man, I’m really gonna miss that mess he makes in the kitchen every two hours. Can I get a what, what, no?!!

I would pay for coffee delivery right about now. It’s still super dark out. I dunno if I like the early morning. I’ll have to try it out a couple more times and then let ya know. In the meantime, Bores-ville!! It may be time for a ‘nap’.

Dayum, it’s cold out. I’m looking out my window and and it looks like our yard is the only one with leaves on the ground. How does this happen? I’m talkin to you huge maple tree.

The Man has gone to the cabin, to take out our pontoon boat that WE neither put in the river nor used at all this summer. (It’s a family cabin, but his mom gave him the pontoon when his dad died.) Now comes the good part. The pontoon won’t start. It’s like a reoccurring nightmare. How does this happen? Let’s ask Bill Murray.

I’m going to spend my day looking for a cure for dust. How does it happen? I think it’s a virus created by the Swiffer company.

Have a happy Saturday!!

Things:

When your windows are so old you can’t sandblast them clean

When someone completely turns off the keurig coffeemaker and you have to WAIT for the water to heat before..you know.

When someone leaves seconds on the microwave so you just can’t tap your number in, and WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THIS???!!

Not putting the twisty tie on bread? Unacceptable.

More than 2 pairs of shoes at the front door? That’s a shoe cemetery.

Not replacing the toilet paper roll? Expulsion from society.

Stay tuned for more exciting things to come…

When someone says “stay tuned” and they never add more? That’s me.

They’re filming Batman here tonight. I mean, not HERE here, but in my town.  Currently on Ben Affleck watch. It could happen. (it’s not gonna happen)

Yesterday I took a phone call out on my front porch. It was a warm, intermittently rainy day. But while I  was out there, it was beautiful. The birds were doing that swarming thing that they do before they take off for warmer winter climate areas. Gathering in a large pine tree till it sounded like it was going to explode with bird chirp, and then flying up into the sky like a large moving black scarf. I love it. It’s like watching the bird waltz every year. I hope the next batch coming through does it again today! Have a nice trip birdies. And enjoy the warm winter …wherever you go, while I sit here and wait for the goddam snow to fly. (So, really, who”s the birdbrain here??)

Happy Wednesday!

Today is my Wedding Anniversary. I’ve been married so long, I think they should make a holiday for it. I think they should call it Columbus Day. …Whoa, that’s freaky!!!

So I hear there’s the snow in Chi-town. (Let’s keep it there) I know sharing is nice, but not this time.

If your youngest kid has to grow up, and move out, and buy a house, what is the best case scenario?? MY KID BOUGHT A HOUSE DOWN THE STREET FROM US!!!  Relax, I’m not the mom from Everybody Loves Raymond! Also, nicest house on the street! So proud of him. Closing is in a couple of weeks.

We had these 2 sets of sliding patio doors sitting in the garage for A WHOLE YEAR, and yesterday my brother finally put them in for us. They look amazing and will help to drown out the noise from my not so quiet neighbors. It’s the little things people, the little things!!

And now a message from my Pumpkin Spice coffee….gulp, gulp, gulp!!!

A Poem By Me

Rain.

Tap, tap, tapping on the windowpane.

Feeding the flowers and the trees

Giving a bath to the birds and the bees.

And while it’s making everything wet

There’s one thing that I can’t forget.

All the neighbor kids are FINALLY back at school 

And I can’t use my fucking pool!

Rain.

(i didn’t say it was gonna be good) Happy Thursday!

My coffee smells terrific..

It’s Gloria Jean’s Butter Toffee. I kinda love it.

Let’s play another game of “Is it going to rain today or are we just going to have a lot of scary gray clouds that intermittently pass overhead?” My patio chair covers would really like to know.

Why is it that tree trimmers think the best time to shred tree branches is in the early a.m.? You’re ruining my great coffee experience!! Related, can’t somebody invent a branch shredder with a silencer on it? Best. Idea. Evar.

The lady across the street booted her husband out of her life…except she let him come back to mow the grass. The funny thing about this is that HE DID IT…and then she booted him back out.  We shall call him clueless. We shall call her the QUEENNN! Because how the hell did she get him to do that?!! (I wonder if I could get him to build me a silent tree shredder!!)

I’m making up a rap song to the tune a cardinal is singing in my backyard. The Pope is doing the Rihanna part…sorry, couldn’t help myself.

Happy Tuesday..don’t burn your mouth!!