The Boy is home for Spring Break. I don’t know if he knows this or not, but this snow is really going to put a damper on him getting a suntan. (You would think colleges would know it’s NOT SPRING YET)
There once was a girl named Jeannie Flashing spots in her eyes she was seeing She was all freaked out Wanted to know what it was all about Because two of her brother’s once had brain tumors. She went to the doctor today To see what they had to say. They looked around And what they found Was that her eyes are just old, and drying up So don’t spread no rumors. (Also, my...
Whistle Why I Work
Seriously, it always snows when ‘The Man’ is gone. I shoveled the driveway, the day before yesterday, and then the snow plow came (i know you can feel my pain). So I shoveled that mess up last night. (heavy icy chunks). I wake up this morning? And yes, we have 3 new inches of snow. So, you know, I go out and shovel away, like I’m one of the Seven Dwarfs, heaving coal into Snow...
Happy Birthday Sweetiepie
Cary, You, me, Tom’s Cheery Cherry Cherry Berry Pie. Happy Birthday!! Love ya more than Sweetie-licious. Mwah.
As We Do
Today I’ll clean the house, tidy up things a bit. Tonight we’ll drive to the train. MY BABY GIRL IS COMING HOME! It’ll be the first time I’ve seen her since Christmas, and since “that one guy” broke her heart. And when she gets here, I’ll put my arms around her and hold her tight, and rock her like I did when she was little. (She’s fine now, this...
A Poo Story for Monkeyfrog
Back when The Man and I first were married, we had a house on the South side of town. (Back behind Deja Vu, the local strip club) But that’s a whole other story for a whole nother day. Anyways, One night we had a torrential down pour..water running down the street like an angry river, backing up almost as high as the car doors. The Man and I had been out pretty late partying, and when we...
Oh no! We have water in the basement! …And all I can picture is Cary’s face all scrunched up with rabbit teeth showing. Inorite?
Happy Birthday Lindsaylooo!! May you have sunshine on this cloudy day. (not in the form of K.C. and the Sunshine Band) May a pack of teeny tiny elephants dance across your floor, delivering you the most fantastic cake, while making sure not to step on your cute little sparkly purple toes. And may Eminem drive up, in his Chrysler, and tell you that you are beautiful, while the Detroit Tigers sing...
This Will Be On The Test
Two people live here. I do all the cleaning. Guess what the other one does?
People Who Share My Birthday Meme
January 31st: Suzanne Pleshette, Sade, Portia DeRossi, Carol Channing, Minnie Driver, Nolan Ryan, Norman Mailer, Justin Timberlake and Tallulah Bankhead. (Tallulah. Frikken. Bankhead. Now THAT’S a name!) …Oh, and the ever popular tumblr’er, thatchris!!
You know that thing where you’re getting a whole bunch of money back from income taxes and you think “WHOA BABY, we’re gonna have some fun” and then your kid’s car goes into the shop, and you find out it’s gonna cost more than half of that to get it fixed? Yeah, that.
Doing laundry at 11:30 pm, as you do when the boy comes home.
One of my spawn is coming home today. I guess, technically, spawn isn’t the correct word. But offspring makes it sound like I did something wrong while jumping… (and that could be entirely correct.) Anyways, just a little bit excited here.
Truthful Tuesday~ I am so proud of my daughter, for picking herself up and moving on so gracefully, after being disposed of by her boyfriend. Proving to me, herself, and the world, that she doesn’t need a man to define herself. So, so, so, proud of her!
Jose Can You See
My Fellow Americans (and everyone else), I too have sung the National Anthem …At a golf tournament! …(yeah, I know) And although it was very early in the morning, (that’s when they start these things) I managed to: A.) comb my hair and dress nice. B.) learn and sing all the words exactly as they were written. C.) Hit every high note (and that ain’t easy, early in the...
Thinking Out Loud
She thought he was “the one”. And then he let her go. He threw her away because she wasn’t perfect. She was flawed, in his tiny little mind. He doesn’t know what a mistake he made. She’s as good as it gets. I know this cause I’m her mom. He broke her heart. I mean he REALLY broke her heart. Now I help her pick of the pieces. And she’ll eventually figure...
Pet/Street Stripper Name
Ginger Howe …a how how how *cue ZZ Top
Do You Really Want To Smell That?
Dear Bath & Body Works, When you’re naming candles, be verrry careful. An Island Margarita should *never* be burned. It should be proudly served in a shapely glass, placed on a pedestal, with a coaster, and then savored. Savored to perfection. Never burned. Sincerely, Me.
Twas A Good Night
Skyping with my favorite little sister from Arizona. A visit from a favorite girlfriend who brought me a belated birthday present. ‘The man’ finally coming home from a business trip, after being alone all week, in the stupid snow storm. Drinking a whole bottle of wine. Tonight didn’t suck!
Grade Your Thursday~
So it’s Thursday? I slept in till 10. (how the HELL did that happen?) Early Morning Riser Fail Missed trash day. (this means i didn’t take the trash out) Trash Day Fail. The house smells like smoke. (the log I put in the fireplace did not burn, it smoldered all night) Fire-making Fail. I started typing this at 10:30. (it is now noon) Tumblr Post Fail. So, this day’s going...
Wee Wee Wee
I saw the snow. I thought about the snow. And then I decided to do something about the snow. You see, “The Man” is away on business, and if he wants to make it “all the way home” (like the little pig that went wee-wee-wee) I have to shovel the driveway. So I go to put on my ‘shoveling snow clothes’, while looking out the window, only to find out, that the...
…And today, people all over the Midwest are pulling out their snow pants. But me? Me? I say “no”, …”hell no”! I refuse to wear pants made out of snow. Crime-iny people, it’s cold enough out there!
Where's My Saber-toothed Tiger Coat?
Oh impending weather of doom, I’m going to go outside and bring in some logs for the fireplace,…you know, just like the cavemen did. (And by cavemen, I mean Fred and Barney..and those Geico guys. Yeah, that’s exactly what I mean.)
I Think I'll Keep You!
Thanks for all the Birthday wishes. You are all fabulous. Every last one of you. …I think I’ll keep you. (I hope your families don’t mind.)